I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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