Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  you want me

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i'd rather choke on a dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): you want me (978): i'd rather choke on a dick. http://tfl.nu/nrvz
  Replies (3) Good night (965) Bad night (1601)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (509) Good night (87144) Bad night (8922)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful" http://tfl.nu/hdrb
  Replies (26) Good night (6064) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her. http://tfl.nu/sljo
  Replies (30) Good night (556) Bad night (2342)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  wait, did i just see you litter out your window??

  (281): View more from Texas

  umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): wait, did i just see you litter out your window?? (281): umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out. http://tfl.nu/y9ae
  Replies (35) Good night (4040) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo! http://tfl.nu/ejnx
  Replies (14) Good night (3879) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER. http://tfl.nu/9rv5
  Replies (58) Good night (12731) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room? http://tfl.nu/p8ry
  Replies (6) Good night (834) Bad night (2785)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison. http://tfl.nu/ax4a
  Replies (13) Good night (2500) Bad night (1453)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns. http://tfl.nu/2g8z
  Replies (4) Good night (1426) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick. http://tfl.nu/0x12
  Replies (8) Good night (633) Bad night (2171)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done. http://tfl.nu/ojtz
  Replies (31) Good night (2937) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point http://tfl.nu/cccx
  Replies (9) Good night (1757) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it. http://tfl.nu/otfu
  Replies (2) Good night (689) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/mxr7
  Replies (6) Good night (899) Bad night (302)

Randomize