did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.