Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down

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  (951): Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down http://tfl.nu/e7px
  Replies (16) Good night (744) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?

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  (301): Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands? http://tfl.nu/6ufe
  Replies (34) Good night (2296) Bad night (3064)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.

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  (412): After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me. http://tfl.nu/f4ue
  Replies (85) Good night (2792) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.

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  (612): hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted. http://tfl.nu/g5t8
  Replies (37) Good night (2766) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

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  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8849) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

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  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
  Replies (16) Good night (6550) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this

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  (410): forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this http://tfl.nu/291a
  Replies (27) Good night (1021) Bad night (8181)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out

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  (423): Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out http://tfl.nu/rbnc
  Replies (13) Good night (1408) Bad night (3206)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  was it good sex?

  (510): View more from California

  i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was

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  (415): was it good sex? (510): i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was http://tfl.nu/o836
  Replies (13) Good night (4175) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.

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  (570): He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall. http://tfl.nu/bycp
  Replies (17) Good night (1577) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth

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  (540): The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth http://tfl.nu/eovp
  Replies (8) Good night (2997) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement

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  (330): I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement http://tfl.nu/yzu8
  Replies (1) Good night (463) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine

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  (517): Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet. (1-517): Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine http://tfl.nu/xagy
  Replies (3) Good night (1115) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.

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  (541): If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience. http://tfl.nu/ojxm
  Replies (2) Good night (578) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.

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  (612): I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid. http://tfl.nu/jof2
  Replies (1) Good night (647) Bad night (189)

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