If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just want nice things and good sex
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!