So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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