I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
