I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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