so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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