Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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