I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
