btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
