he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
