Your dad touched me again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
