forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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