You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
