Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
