: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
