I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I use my feet as sexual weapons
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
