come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
