my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
