Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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