I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
