So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
