Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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