Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
