i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
