just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
