fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
