I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
