her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
