I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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