i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
