well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
