Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
