The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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