so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize