I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
