Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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