she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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