the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
