It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
