My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
