my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is Oprah even human
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
