I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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