there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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