I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
