i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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