i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
