My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
