My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
