I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
