all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
