i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
