I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize