are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
