you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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