mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
