I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize