girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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