for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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