Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
