at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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