Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
