a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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