I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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