Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
