he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
