If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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