Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
