there was a trapeze. enough said
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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