Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
